Gosh, I'm prolific tonight. (I do love that word prolific, for some reason!!)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=OkRC8bi3bbc
I've learned the last bit! Ask me to say it - go on, I dare you!
Para xxx
Thursday, 31 May 2007
My Bird Phobia
Most people who know me will be aware of this!
My mum is afraid of birds and it's obviously been passed on to me and my brother. I can remember being very young and my brother was a baby. We were up in the loft, which had been made into a playroom.
I think I must've wanted the toilet or something as my mum left my brother in the loft, where he was quite secure, and brought me downstairs.
A bird then flew in through the landing window, and I'm not sure if it went into the loft or whether it was just flying about upstairs. But I do remember that my mum had to phone my dad to come home from work to remove the bird and rescue my brother!
I don't actually remember my mum being upset, or screaming - I just remember the sense of drama!
Where I live now, birds often used to fly into the back bedroom windows and either kill themselves or knock themselves out. When hubby was about, he'd deal with it, but the summer he disappeared was a nightmare!! And everytime the Police came round I had to ask them to clear up the casualties in the back yard!
I now have some red stickers on the windows, which the birds see as being bigger birds of prey, so they're less likely to fly into the windows.
Last year a baby Blue Tit flew into my back bedroom and I screamed and locked myself in my front bedroom. The neighbours had to phone my parents for my dad to come out and rescue me!
I'm writing about this tonight because a bird flew into the side of my car tonight, and I panicked and drove onto the other side of the road. Fortunately there were no cars coming. But it has shook me up a bit.
When I got home I had to ask a neighbour to come and look at the car to inspect for pieces of dead bird - fortunately there's none to be seen. Realistically, I knew there wouldn't be - but I just couldn't take that chance. One once got sucked into the grille at the front of my car and its head was poking out, just like you seen animal heads on the walls in stately homes.
I know I'm a big wuss! I've recently visited a bird of prey sanctuary thing to try and help me overcome my fear. And they are such beautiful creatures - but once they flap them wings, they scare the life out of me!
And I am going to watch The Birds - with a certain cute gentleman! But, well, I think we can all guess why he wants me to watch it and why I'm willing to watch it with him!!
Para xxx
My mum is afraid of birds and it's obviously been passed on to me and my brother. I can remember being very young and my brother was a baby. We were up in the loft, which had been made into a playroom.
I think I must've wanted the toilet or something as my mum left my brother in the loft, where he was quite secure, and brought me downstairs.
A bird then flew in through the landing window, and I'm not sure if it went into the loft or whether it was just flying about upstairs. But I do remember that my mum had to phone my dad to come home from work to remove the bird and rescue my brother!
I don't actually remember my mum being upset, or screaming - I just remember the sense of drama!
Where I live now, birds often used to fly into the back bedroom windows and either kill themselves or knock themselves out. When hubby was about, he'd deal with it, but the summer he disappeared was a nightmare!! And everytime the Police came round I had to ask them to clear up the casualties in the back yard!
I now have some red stickers on the windows, which the birds see as being bigger birds of prey, so they're less likely to fly into the windows.
Last year a baby Blue Tit flew into my back bedroom and I screamed and locked myself in my front bedroom. The neighbours had to phone my parents for my dad to come out and rescue me!
I'm writing about this tonight because a bird flew into the side of my car tonight, and I panicked and drove onto the other side of the road. Fortunately there were no cars coming. But it has shook me up a bit.
When I got home I had to ask a neighbour to come and look at the car to inspect for pieces of dead bird - fortunately there's none to be seen. Realistically, I knew there wouldn't be - but I just couldn't take that chance. One once got sucked into the grille at the front of my car and its head was poking out, just like you seen animal heads on the walls in stately homes.
I know I'm a big wuss! I've recently visited a bird of prey sanctuary thing to try and help me overcome my fear. And they are such beautiful creatures - but once they flap them wings, they scare the life out of me!
And I am going to watch The Birds - with a certain cute gentleman! But, well, I think we can all guess why he wants me to watch it and why I'm willing to watch it with him!!
Para xxx
My Thursday Night Friends ...
... Hello to you all (even though there's only one of you got this site address as yet!)
I go to a class on a Thursday night. Not going to say what class it is, although I'm aware that many of my friends know!
There's just seven of us in the group - six females and one very brave male!
And despite the fact that we've known each other for less than two months, there's a very great bond between us all. I can honestly say that my life is richer for having met these people and shared their experiences with them.
So thank you - all of you. I look forward to us all becoming great friends.
Para xxx
I go to a class on a Thursday night. Not going to say what class it is, although I'm aware that many of my friends know!
There's just seven of us in the group - six females and one very brave male!
And despite the fact that we've known each other for less than two months, there's a very great bond between us all. I can honestly say that my life is richer for having met these people and shared their experiences with them.
So thank you - all of you. I look forward to us all becoming great friends.
Para xxx
My Insecurity ...
... it does my head in.
How do I stop it?
This blog doesn't bloody help either. I'm very aware that I come across as the world's biggest tart and as having a very active sex life with a variety of different men.
But, in reality it's not actually like that! I mean, I'm not saying that anything on here is untrue, it's just that readers often focus on just the rude bits and not on the other bits - which are equally as much a part of my life!
So then it worries me that any potential man in my life could just see me as just a shag. And nothing more. And this is what makes me insecure.
I'm insecure about the way I look as it is, but then I think that I can't be all that ugly cos Mr Hypnosis was very handsome, Biggles was very good looking, and MusicMan is so unbelievably cute. Mind you, he's a man - he's not gonna like being called cute. Erm, let me think of another adjective that adequately describes him. Hmmmm. And I'm thinking lookswise here, cos I could say funny and kind and stuff like that (which of course he is). But cute just about does it I reckon!
But I do just get this panic in my head that no-one's ever gonna like me for being ME. And I'm not sure anymore how to tell if someone likes me for being me, or because they just want to shag me!
How did I manage to get to this age and not work that one out? Although, having said that I've married both the men I've had long term relationships with - so I've not had the opportunity really to figure it out!
Answers on a comment please!!
Para xxx
How do I stop it?
This blog doesn't bloody help either. I'm very aware that I come across as the world's biggest tart and as having a very active sex life with a variety of different men.
But, in reality it's not actually like that! I mean, I'm not saying that anything on here is untrue, it's just that readers often focus on just the rude bits and not on the other bits - which are equally as much a part of my life!
So then it worries me that any potential man in my life could just see me as just a shag. And nothing more. And this is what makes me insecure.
I'm insecure about the way I look as it is, but then I think that I can't be all that ugly cos Mr Hypnosis was very handsome, Biggles was very good looking, and MusicMan is so unbelievably cute. Mind you, he's a man - he's not gonna like being called cute. Erm, let me think of another adjective that adequately describes him. Hmmmm. And I'm thinking lookswise here, cos I could say funny and kind and stuff like that (which of course he is). But cute just about does it I reckon!
But I do just get this panic in my head that no-one's ever gonna like me for being ME. And I'm not sure anymore how to tell if someone likes me for being me, or because they just want to shag me!
How did I manage to get to this age and not work that one out? Although, having said that I've married both the men I've had long term relationships with - so I've not had the opportunity really to figure it out!
Answers on a comment please!!
Para xxx
Tuesday, 29 May 2007
OK, The Confession
Being as I'm not gonna get me money back, I might as well confess all now.
Those of a queasy nature - STOP READING NOW!!!!!
MusicMan - STOP READING NOW!!!!!! (I don't want you to think I'm an evil person or that I would do anything like this to you!!)
Well, the night that Biggles turned up unexpectedly, he'd been having a go at me for not having broken things off with MM1. I'd asked for reassurance that if Biggles wanted to end things, he'd talk to me about it - he assured me he would (oops, first lie there from him!!) and said it was hypocritical of me to ask that when I'd not actually broken things off with MM1.
So, as Biggles wasn't coming over, I arranged to meet MM1. I didn't want him coming here, as I knew he'd try and get me into bed, and I probably wouldn't be able to resist!
But - I gave him a farewell BJ. It was wrong of me, I know, I shouldn't have done it. Not proud of myself.
I get home and five minutes later Biggles is on the phone, having a general chit chat. Then he says "Open the door, I'm stood outside".
Big dilemma here! I've only just got in, not brushed my teeth or anything. And what have I just had in me mouth?
He asks me if I've had me hair cut, and I say no. Then I realise that my hair's probably a bit skewiff as well.
He kisses me. I have to kiss him back - what else can I do? Wasn't a good thing of me to do - but looking back, he doesn't half deserve that!
Para xxx
Those of a queasy nature - STOP READING NOW!!!!!
MusicMan - STOP READING NOW!!!!!! (I don't want you to think I'm an evil person or that I would do anything like this to you!!)
Well, the night that Biggles turned up unexpectedly, he'd been having a go at me for not having broken things off with MM1. I'd asked for reassurance that if Biggles wanted to end things, he'd talk to me about it - he assured me he would (oops, first lie there from him!!) and said it was hypocritical of me to ask that when I'd not actually broken things off with MM1.
So, as Biggles wasn't coming over, I arranged to meet MM1. I didn't want him coming here, as I knew he'd try and get me into bed, and I probably wouldn't be able to resist!
But - I gave him a farewell BJ. It was wrong of me, I know, I shouldn't have done it. Not proud of myself.
I get home and five minutes later Biggles is on the phone, having a general chit chat. Then he says "Open the door, I'm stood outside".
Big dilemma here! I've only just got in, not brushed my teeth or anything. And what have I just had in me mouth?
He asks me if I've had me hair cut, and I say no. Then I realise that my hair's probably a bit skewiff as well.
He kisses me. I have to kiss him back - what else can I do? Wasn't a good thing of me to do - but looking back, he doesn't half deserve that!
Para xxx
NotGeoffrey
is such a marvellous man! 
He is lovely, handsome, gorgeous, witty, has great taste in clothes and friends, kind, a great shoulder to cry on and gives good advice.
Not only is he lovely, handsome, gorgeous, witty, with great taste in clothes and friends, kind, a great shoulder to cry on and the giver of good advice, he is also very talented in the poetry department.
Take a look:
http://www.tes.co.uk/section/staffroom/thread.aspx?story_id=2387540&path=/Personal/
Hee hee! Luv ya!
Para xxxx
He is lovely, handsome, gorgeous, witty, has great taste in clothes and friends, kind, a great shoulder to cry on and gives good advice.
Not only is he lovely, handsome, gorgeous, witty, with great taste in clothes and friends, kind, a great shoulder to cry on and the giver of good advice, he is also very talented in the poetry department.
Take a look:
http://www.tes.co.uk/section/staffroom/thread.aspx?story_id=2387540&path=/Personal/
Hee hee! Luv ya!
Para xxxx
Monday, 28 May 2007
My Job
I really loved my job.
I never wanted it. I felt obliged to apply for it. Having been supported by hubby whilst I did my PGCE, I felt that I really should repay him by applying for a permanent job.
At that point I had work with two colleges and a local council, so it wasn't like I was completely without work - but hubby felt better with me having the security of a permanent job.
I tried not to get the job! I didn't turn up for the first interview! My then next door neighbour had a very bad habit of having wild parties on Thursday nights, and this particular Thursday night was no exception. My interview was at 9.30am on the Friday. I was up all night - there was no way I felt safe to drive 20 miles to the interview.
However, they were desperate!! On the Sunday evening I had a phone call from a member of SMT asking me if I could attend an interview the following day. So I went. I really tried not to get the job - but I ended up getting it!
And I was glad I had! I loved it - I loved working with the teenagers (previously I'd taught adults), I was part of a good team. it was amazing. Yes, the kids were challenging, but I had a fantastic rapport with them, and I loved the feeling of being able to help them, and to make a difference in their lives.
But then came a new Principal and a new SMT, and a new structure. Then my good friend and colleague Jem, did something unspeakably evil, from which I am still trying to recover. There was more pressure put on us, we weren't allowed to fail students - so my working week was never short of 60 hours - and I'm just not built for those types of hours. The students were allowed to get away with anything behaviourally, and it became a scarey, and dangerous, place to work.
The thought of going back sickens me - so I just don't think about it. It upsets me because I really felt that it was 'my' job, I felt at home there. It hurts that I've been reduced to feeling worthless, ill, exhausted, scared and humiliated by a job that I once loved so much.
Para xxx
I never wanted it. I felt obliged to apply for it. Having been supported by hubby whilst I did my PGCE, I felt that I really should repay him by applying for a permanent job.
At that point I had work with two colleges and a local council, so it wasn't like I was completely without work - but hubby felt better with me having the security of a permanent job.
I tried not to get the job! I didn't turn up for the first interview! My then next door neighbour had a very bad habit of having wild parties on Thursday nights, and this particular Thursday night was no exception. My interview was at 9.30am on the Friday. I was up all night - there was no way I felt safe to drive 20 miles to the interview.
However, they were desperate!! On the Sunday evening I had a phone call from a member of SMT asking me if I could attend an interview the following day. So I went. I really tried not to get the job - but I ended up getting it!
And I was glad I had! I loved it - I loved working with the teenagers (previously I'd taught adults), I was part of a good team. it was amazing. Yes, the kids were challenging, but I had a fantastic rapport with them, and I loved the feeling of being able to help them, and to make a difference in their lives.
But then came a new Principal and a new SMT, and a new structure. Then my good friend and colleague Jem, did something unspeakably evil, from which I am still trying to recover. There was more pressure put on us, we weren't allowed to fail students - so my working week was never short of 60 hours - and I'm just not built for those types of hours. The students were allowed to get away with anything behaviourally, and it became a scarey, and dangerous, place to work.
The thought of going back sickens me - so I just don't think about it. It upsets me because I really felt that it was 'my' job, I felt at home there. It hurts that I've been reduced to feeling worthless, ill, exhausted, scared and humiliated by a job that I once loved so much.
Para xxx
Post a Comment!!
Pleeeeeeeeeeease!
I've changed the settings so that you don't have to sign up to blogger to leave a comment. You can now just leave one. It comes up as anonymous (see post below). But I'd be eternally grateful if you'd leave your name, or a nickname that I know you by! I'm thinking of the Tessers here!
I love reading people's comments - even if they're bad about me!
Para xxx
I've changed the settings so that you don't have to sign up to blogger to leave a comment. You can now just leave one. It comes up as anonymous (see post below). But I'd be eternally grateful if you'd leave your name, or a nickname that I know you by! I'm thinking of the Tessers here!
I love reading people's comments - even if they're bad about me!
Para xxx
Sunday, 27 May 2007
MusicMan
I think that's easier to remember than BWMMB or whatever it was I decided to call you!
The reason why?
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=160705099
Particularly like Somnia - but not so keen on the penguin one!
See ya Tuesday!
Para xxx
The reason why?
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=160705099
Particularly like Somnia - but not so keen on the penguin one!
See ya Tuesday!
Para xxx
Thursday, 24 May 2007
Relentlessly Positive!
This is a fab website and forum for people who want positivity (is that actually a word?) in their lives!
http://www.relentlessly-positive.com/index.html This is the website
http://positively-testing.com/positivity/index.php This is the forum
There's competitions, news and general chit chat. And you can sign up for a weekly newsletter! To get you raring to go for the week ahead!
And there's lots of lovely people on the forum (there must be, otherwise I wouldn't have signed up!)
Para xxx
http://www.relentlessly-positive.com/index.html This is the website
http://positively-testing.com/positivity/index.php This is the forum
There's competitions, news and general chit chat. And you can sign up for a weekly newsletter! To get you raring to go for the week ahead!
And there's lots of lovely people on the forum (there must be, otherwise I wouldn't have signed up!)
Para xxx
Tuesday, 22 May 2007
I Can't Think of a Name ...
... for the man I met with last night!!
I think perhaps this is a good thing - I can't pigeonhole him!
I thought of ...
I think perhaps this is a good thing - I can't pigeonhole him!
I thought of ...
- Leo - but he really doesn't look like Leo Sayer ;-)
- Mr Davies - but that's too obvious. (See link below)
- Mr Lovely - but that's a bit twee. But he does call me lovely a lot, which is sweet!
- The Man Who Made Me Blush - heaven knows there's not many of them about! Maybe that's what I should call him! MWMMB for short!
Anyway, had a very pleasant and relaxed evening in his company. I really enjoyed it and hope to see him again very soon! Think we could have fun!
Anyway, he looks a bit like this: http://www.comedycv.co.uk/alandavies/2002-december-alan-davies.jpg
Which I didn't actually see at first - but I think this pic of Alan with shorter hair, does look somewhat like him!
And I'm hoping that he'll be able to disprove my theory that all men with that name are halfwits, as he shares the same name as: Mr Lorry Driver, Biggles and Arse!!
Not that there's any pressure on you at all MWMMB!!!
Para xx
Thursday, 17 May 2007
The Google Ads ...
... make me laugh! (does anyone remember the programme The Preston Front?)
How they're kind of related to what I've written!
How they're kind of related to what I've written!
- The Colour Red - Debt Advice (A tenuous link I guess)
- I Have a Lifecoach - Cuckold Husband Stories - now where the blood and sand do they get that one from?
- I Knew It'd Burn Itself Out - Femdom Stories - you have noooooooo idea how much that made me laugh!
- Say Tuesday to Me - Make Him Fall in Love - He is in love! With himself!
- My Tattoo - Suitable Wife. Well my two ex husbands obviously don't think so!
- Gone With the Wind - www.farts.com - OK, so I'll give them that one, it is suitable!
- Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun - Autism-Aspergers Schools - Now this one concerns me, as it's suggesting that to bring a gun into class, you must have Autism or Aspergers. Hmm, not good.
Actually, if you click on them, you can earn me money! And goodness knows I need it being as I still haven't got my bloody money back from you know who!
Para xxx
Wednesday, 16 May 2007
The Strange Phone Calls
They've stopped now thankfully, but they were getting a bit freaky!
The first one I received in February of 2006 when I was off work. Actually it was a text. I replied saying that they'd got the wrong person, and a short text conversation followed. This person knew my name. He asked whether he could ring me and I agreed that he could.
As soon as he spoke to me, he said that I wasn't the person he'd spoken with previously as they'd had a much deeper voice. Apparantly he'd got chatting to someone online, he'd given this person his mobile number and they'd rung him and had a conversation with him. They'd called themselves Para and had given my mobile number to him. Fortunately he was a very polite man and there was no harm done. Further discussion revealed that he actually knew MM2. And no, MM2 wouldn't give out my number to anyone without my permission!
Then a few months later there was an accountant who said I'd given him my number in a nightclub - I don't do nightclubs! He was quite persistent actually. That one was a bit worrying.
And following that there was a 6ft black man from London (his description) who had apparantly walked into me in a nearby town where he was visiting friends, and was able to describe me fairly accurately and tell me I was carrying a red bag.
Fortunately, they seem to have stopped now. But who's behind them? Well I do have my suspicions. Obviously I think it's Jem (who I still haven't written about!) as she does have a deep voice and lives in the town where the third man is supposed to have walked into me.
But, as the first two men were Asian and the final man black, that would involve her having to speak to non-whites. And whilst she does that at work - where she's in a position of authority, her racist tendencies wouldn't allow her to do that outside of work.
So, who knows? My intuition in these things is usually right though.
Para xxx
The first one I received in February of 2006 when I was off work. Actually it was a text. I replied saying that they'd got the wrong person, and a short text conversation followed. This person knew my name. He asked whether he could ring me and I agreed that he could.
As soon as he spoke to me, he said that I wasn't the person he'd spoken with previously as they'd had a much deeper voice. Apparantly he'd got chatting to someone online, he'd given this person his mobile number and they'd rung him and had a conversation with him. They'd called themselves Para and had given my mobile number to him. Fortunately he was a very polite man and there was no harm done. Further discussion revealed that he actually knew MM2. And no, MM2 wouldn't give out my number to anyone without my permission!
Then a few months later there was an accountant who said I'd given him my number in a nightclub - I don't do nightclubs! He was quite persistent actually. That one was a bit worrying.
And following that there was a 6ft black man from London (his description) who had apparantly walked into me in a nearby town where he was visiting friends, and was able to describe me fairly accurately and tell me I was carrying a red bag.
Fortunately, they seem to have stopped now. But who's behind them? Well I do have my suspicions. Obviously I think it's Jem (who I still haven't written about!) as she does have a deep voice and lives in the town where the third man is supposed to have walked into me.
But, as the first two men were Asian and the final man black, that would involve her having to speak to non-whites. And whilst she does that at work - where she's in a position of authority, her racist tendencies wouldn't allow her to do that outside of work.
So, who knows? My intuition in these things is usually right though.
Para xxx
Friday, 11 May 2007
Maybe it's just all men with that name
... not that I know that many of them!
But Biggles shares the same name as someone who I shall call Arse. Arse was my teacher. He's the reason I got into teaching - cos he wanted to get into my knickers. So he encouraged me to guest speak for him, teach on the professional programmes he taught on. Flatter, flatter, flatter ... he never really quite got what he wanted though!
But they so remind me of each other, such charmers they both are. Both have such convoluted excuses and reasons for things that you're not really sure if they're telling you the truth or not! And then you feel guilty if you don't believe them.
So, Biggles couldn't meet me on Saturday cos he had a wedding to go to. He couldn't meet me today cos he was in Sheffield. But apparantly he was called away from the wedding today to go back to school as his cheques had been recalled by finance. There's a complete plausibility about it all that makes me feel guilty for not believing him.
So, will I actually get my money back? There's a big part of me that thinks I will, cos I don't think he'll let me down. But then, there's that niggling doubt in the back of my mind. I'm so bloody naive aren't I?
Para xxx
But Biggles shares the same name as someone who I shall call Arse. Arse was my teacher. He's the reason I got into teaching - cos he wanted to get into my knickers. So he encouraged me to guest speak for him, teach on the professional programmes he taught on. Flatter, flatter, flatter ... he never really quite got what he wanted though!
But they so remind me of each other, such charmers they both are. Both have such convoluted excuses and reasons for things that you're not really sure if they're telling you the truth or not! And then you feel guilty if you don't believe them.
So, Biggles couldn't meet me on Saturday cos he had a wedding to go to. He couldn't meet me today cos he was in Sheffield. But apparantly he was called away from the wedding today to go back to school as his cheques had been recalled by finance. There's a complete plausibility about it all that makes me feel guilty for not believing him.
So, will I actually get my money back? There's a big part of me that thinks I will, cos I don't think he'll let me down. But then, there's that niggling doubt in the back of my mind. I'm so bloody naive aren't I?
Para xxx
Thursday, 10 May 2007
The Colour Red ...
... is very important in my life.
Anyone who knows me knows that it's my favourite colour. My car is red and I have very many red clothes. As I sit here I am wearing bright red trousers and red and black underwear. (I am, of course, wearing a top! But that's black!) And whilst out I carried a red bag and wore a red cap.
It all began when I was about 18. I'd had an exam at college and it'd been really difficult, so I was very fed up. There was a shop in the town centre called Looking Good. It used to sell really quirky pieces of clothing, quite unusual pieces - which is why I loved the shop so much! So, after my exam I decided to visit Looking Good.
Now for an item of clothing from that shop, the t-shirt was actually quite plain and ordinary! But it called out to me! I would probably have been wearing black at the time, as most of us students then did. But the t-shirt was red and white stripes - so quite a departure for me colourwise!
But oh, I loved that t-shirt! I always felt so happy when I wore it! So since then I suppose I've always associated the colour red with being happy!
"Red is active, daring, passionate, and optimistic. It enhances alertness and encourages activity. Goethe held red to be the most intense colour, the furthest from both black and white, and it is noteworthy that those languages which only have words for three basic colours always select black, white, and red. In Egypt, red symbolised masculinity, life, and warmth, but also danger. It was the opposite of the feminine white: this can be seen in Egyptian art, where the women are white and the men brown (which was considered a shade of red). Pink is milder and more affectionate than red, feminine rather than masculine; it is good for comfort and healing."
http://www.skyscript.co.uk/colour.html
"RED. PhysicalPositive: Physical courage, strength, warmth, energy, basic survival, 'fight or flight', stimulation, masculinity, excitement.Negative: Defiance, aggression, visual impact, strain.
Being the longest wavelength, red is a powerful colour. Although not technically the most visible, it has the property of appearing to be nearer than it is and therefore it grabs our attention first. Hence its effectiveness in traffic lights the world over. Its effect is physical; it stimulates us and raises the pulse rate, giving the impression that time is passing faster than it is. It relates to the masculine principle and can activate the "fight or flight" instinct. Red is strong, and very basic. Pure red is the simplest colour, with no subtlety. It is stimulating and lively, very friendly. At the same time, it can be perceived as demanding and aggressive."
http://www.colour-affects.co.uk/psyprop.html
So, am I a red person? I may be passionate and optimistic (eternally so!!) But I don't think I'm dangerous! Nor do I think I'm particularly masculine! And I don't think I'm strong either emotionally or physically! I'm aware that people perceive me to be a strong character, but I'm very insecure and emotional really. Interestingly, that's one of the reasons I liked Biggles - he saw me for myself, saw through the mask of bravery I wear! But then again, he couldn't cope with my insecurity!
Maybe I wear red to try and project a different image of myself, one that is brave and strong and tough - maybe I do it to try and convince myself that I am these things. Maybe I just like to get noticed, the drama queen that I am!
Para xxx
Anyone who knows me knows that it's my favourite colour. My car is red and I have very many red clothes. As I sit here I am wearing bright red trousers and red and black underwear. (I am, of course, wearing a top! But that's black!) And whilst out I carried a red bag and wore a red cap.
It all began when I was about 18. I'd had an exam at college and it'd been really difficult, so I was very fed up. There was a shop in the town centre called Looking Good. It used to sell really quirky pieces of clothing, quite unusual pieces - which is why I loved the shop so much! So, after my exam I decided to visit Looking Good.
Now for an item of clothing from that shop, the t-shirt was actually quite plain and ordinary! But it called out to me! I would probably have been wearing black at the time, as most of us students then did. But the t-shirt was red and white stripes - so quite a departure for me colourwise!
But oh, I loved that t-shirt! I always felt so happy when I wore it! So since then I suppose I've always associated the colour red with being happy!
"Red is active, daring, passionate, and optimistic. It enhances alertness and encourages activity. Goethe held red to be the most intense colour, the furthest from both black and white, and it is noteworthy that those languages which only have words for three basic colours always select black, white, and red. In Egypt, red symbolised masculinity, life, and warmth, but also danger. It was the opposite of the feminine white: this can be seen in Egyptian art, where the women are white and the men brown (which was considered a shade of red). Pink is milder and more affectionate than red, feminine rather than masculine; it is good for comfort and healing."
http://www.skyscript.co.uk/colour.html
"RED. PhysicalPositive: Physical courage, strength, warmth, energy, basic survival, 'fight or flight', stimulation, masculinity, excitement.Negative: Defiance, aggression, visual impact, strain.
Being the longest wavelength, red is a powerful colour. Although not technically the most visible, it has the property of appearing to be nearer than it is and therefore it grabs our attention first. Hence its effectiveness in traffic lights the world over. Its effect is physical; it stimulates us and raises the pulse rate, giving the impression that time is passing faster than it is. It relates to the masculine principle and can activate the "fight or flight" instinct. Red is strong, and very basic. Pure red is the simplest colour, with no subtlety. It is stimulating and lively, very friendly. At the same time, it can be perceived as demanding and aggressive."
http://www.colour-affects.co.uk/psyprop.html
So, am I a red person? I may be passionate and optimistic (eternally so!!) But I don't think I'm dangerous! Nor do I think I'm particularly masculine! And I don't think I'm strong either emotionally or physically! I'm aware that people perceive me to be a strong character, but I'm very insecure and emotional really. Interestingly, that's one of the reasons I liked Biggles - he saw me for myself, saw through the mask of bravery I wear! But then again, he couldn't cope with my insecurity!
Maybe I wear red to try and project a different image of myself, one that is brave and strong and tough - maybe I do it to try and convince myself that I am these things. Maybe I just like to get noticed, the drama queen that I am!
Para xxx
Wednesday, 9 May 2007
I Have a Life Coach ...
... well someone has to take responsibility for my life, cos I make such a complete mess of it!!
He's a 35 year old self-made millionaire who's retired from industry and now divides his time between being a playboy in all the European capitals and helping half wits like me sort their life out! Despite moving in esteemed circles, partying in Monte Carlo, mooring a yacht in Cannes, spending summer in the Balearics with Catherine and Michael, he likes to keep in touch with the common folk - which is why he coaches me!
Tall, tanned and bearing more than a passing resemblance to that bloke in Casino Royale whose name I've forgotten - he is often to be found flashing his super white gnashers at the paparazzi when coming out of A-List celeb bashes!
And yet, the following day he'll be on the phone to me, listening to me witter on about my daft life, and helping me to think of goals to achieve! Thanks to him I've managed to make the decision to not return to work; I've explored potential new employment areas and hobbies - it's helped to open up my mind to all sorts of new possibilities!
Thanks matey - have I done you justice?
Para xxx
He's a 35 year old self-made millionaire who's retired from industry and now divides his time between being a playboy in all the European capitals and helping half wits like me sort their life out! Despite moving in esteemed circles, partying in Monte Carlo, mooring a yacht in Cannes, spending summer in the Balearics with Catherine and Michael, he likes to keep in touch with the common folk - which is why he coaches me!
Tall, tanned and bearing more than a passing resemblance to that bloke in Casino Royale whose name I've forgotten - he is often to be found flashing his super white gnashers at the paparazzi when coming out of A-List celeb bashes!
And yet, the following day he'll be on the phone to me, listening to me witter on about my daft life, and helping me to think of goals to achieve! Thanks to him I've managed to make the decision to not return to work; I've explored potential new employment areas and hobbies - it's helped to open up my mind to all sorts of new possibilities!
Thanks matey - have I done you justice?
Para xxx
Sunday, 6 May 2007
I Knew It'd Burn Itself Out ...
... I really shouldn't have listened to his corny lines!
Apparantly there's no 'connection' between myself and Biggles - despite his initial reaction! Mind you, it didn't stop this non-existent connection from waking me up at 4am this morning to forwarn me of what was to come! Not had one of those feelings since the day hubby disappeared.
He's finished it before I get in too deep, apparantly. However, with my lack of trust in men, and my wariness, my feelings for him were merely a reflection of the feelings I received from him.
Granted, I felt insecure when he wasn't here but I know that was because I have too much time on my hands to think, and also because being at the receiving end of such intense, passionate feelings when he was here - I feared it was too good to be true. Which obviously it was!
I trusted him wholeheartedly, which is a lesson I shall learn from. As is the lesson I shall learn about not lending money to people I've not known very long. I don't suppose I shall see my emergency stash of cash again! However, if I don't, at least he earned about £14 a shag!! And if that's the price he's willing to put on himself, well so be it.
A period of celibacy beckons.
Para xx
PS - Biggles, you might be a CS, but that's only because you ML with feeling.
PPS - I really do have a confession to make about one really naughty thing I did! But it's soooooo naughty, I really don't know if I can bring myself to confess!
Apparantly there's no 'connection' between myself and Biggles - despite his initial reaction! Mind you, it didn't stop this non-existent connection from waking me up at 4am this morning to forwarn me of what was to come! Not had one of those feelings since the day hubby disappeared.
He's finished it before I get in too deep, apparantly. However, with my lack of trust in men, and my wariness, my feelings for him were merely a reflection of the feelings I received from him.
Granted, I felt insecure when he wasn't here but I know that was because I have too much time on my hands to think, and also because being at the receiving end of such intense, passionate feelings when he was here - I feared it was too good to be true. Which obviously it was!
I trusted him wholeheartedly, which is a lesson I shall learn from. As is the lesson I shall learn about not lending money to people I've not known very long. I don't suppose I shall see my emergency stash of cash again! However, if I don't, at least he earned about £14 a shag!! And if that's the price he's willing to put on himself, well so be it.
A period of celibacy beckons.
Para xx
PS - Biggles, you might be a CS, but that's only because you ML with feeling.
PPS - I really do have a confession to make about one really naughty thing I did! But it's soooooo naughty, I really don't know if I can bring myself to confess!
Wednesday, 2 May 2007
Bye Bye MM1 and MM2
... but only really from my bed!!
Well I guess it had to be done sooner or later. Really couldn't have seen Biggles and both of them at the same time - not that MM1 or MM2 would have minded! But it's not fair on Biggles. He is so fab you know - he turned up as a surprise last night having told me that he was too tired to drive over. Sigh ...
Anyway, I MSN'd MM2 on Friday about not being able to see him any more. And he didn't respond. He was silent. Felt really bad about it. Felt as though I'd used him. I guess in a way I have. I needed sex or cuddles and I could call on MM2. But if he needed the same he called on me. So maybe he used me. But then again, we are such good pals and have such good fun, and we can talk lots about anything - so it's not really as though we used each other in a way. I know I hurt him, and I'm sorry for that. But I know we'll remain friends.
MM1 was more philosophical about things though. I was more scared of telling him. I wouldn't let him come to my house in case he managed to sweet talk me into bed! And we're good friends, so it's not like he's out of my life altogether.
Both have helped me to get through the trauma of the past two years - they've always been there for me, and supported me, for which I am so grateful. Thanks guys xxx. And I am incredibly fond of them both.
But, I think I've taken a positive step! *floats away in a dreamlike state*
Para xxx
Well I guess it had to be done sooner or later. Really couldn't have seen Biggles and both of them at the same time - not that MM1 or MM2 would have minded! But it's not fair on Biggles. He is so fab you know - he turned up as a surprise last night having told me that he was too tired to drive over. Sigh ...
Anyway, I MSN'd MM2 on Friday about not being able to see him any more. And he didn't respond. He was silent. Felt really bad about it. Felt as though I'd used him. I guess in a way I have. I needed sex or cuddles and I could call on MM2. But if he needed the same he called on me. So maybe he used me. But then again, we are such good pals and have such good fun, and we can talk lots about anything - so it's not really as though we used each other in a way. I know I hurt him, and I'm sorry for that. But I know we'll remain friends.
MM1 was more philosophical about things though. I was more scared of telling him. I wouldn't let him come to my house in case he managed to sweet talk me into bed! And we're good friends, so it's not like he's out of my life altogether.
Both have helped me to get through the trauma of the past two years - they've always been there for me, and supported me, for which I am so grateful. Thanks guys xxx. And I am incredibly fond of them both.
But, I think I've taken a positive step! *floats away in a dreamlike state*
Para xxx
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