My Job

I really loved my job.

I never wanted it. I felt obliged to apply for it. Having been supported by hubby whilst I did my PGCE, I felt that I really should repay him by applying for a permanent job.

At that point I had work with two colleges and a local council, so it wasn't like I was completely without work - but hubby felt better with me having the security of a permanent job.

I tried not to get the job! I didn't turn up for the first interview! My then next door neighbour had a very bad habit of having wild parties on Thursday nights, and this particular Thursday night was no exception. My interview was at 9.30am on the Friday. I was up all night - there was no way I felt safe to drive 20 miles to the interview.

However, they were desperate!! On the Sunday evening I had a phone call from a member of SMT asking me if I could attend an interview the following day. So I went. I really tried not to get the job - but I ended up getting it!

And I was glad I had! I loved it - I loved working with the teenagers (previously I'd taught adults), I was part of a good team. it was amazing. Yes, the kids were challenging, but I had a fantastic rapport with them, and I loved the feeling of being able to help them, and to make a difference in their lives.

But then came a new Principal and a new SMT, and a new structure. Then my good friend and colleague Jem, did something unspeakably evil, from which I am still trying to recover. There was more pressure put on us, we weren't allowed to fail students - so my working week was never short of 60 hours - and I'm just not built for those types of hours. The students were allowed to get away with anything behaviourally, and it became a scarey, and dangerous, place to work.

The thought of going back sickens me - so I just don't think about it. It upsets me because I really felt that it was 'my' job, I felt at home there. It hurts that I've been reduced to feeling worthless, ill, exhausted, scared and humiliated by a job that I once loved so much.

Para xxx