Blowing My Own Trumpet ... (No 3)

From my Thursday night friends!

"Your humour put energy in the group and your style was refreshing and colourful".

"Very funny and entertaining - your stories are great".

"Have loved working with you - you're a lovely warm person - you've had me in stitches but were there when I needed you!"

"Warmhearted person, good to get on with, very good to talk to :-) (see you soon!) (Nice to see you again!)"

"You have made the sessions enjoyable and light. Thank you for being you."

"A snowball, a snowflake, a face full of sunlight - playtime/funtime"

And The Winner Is ...

... Howy.

But I suspect he cheated so I may have to disqualify him!

Para xxx

Competition Time!

OK, so the 500th person to look at my profile wins a prize! So if you notice that you're number 500, please will you let me know?

If you're a female - you can have a home made cake!

If you're a bloke - you can have a night out with me. Unless I don't fancy you, in which case you can have a homemade cake. And if I really really fancy you, you get both cake AND a night out!

Hehe!

Para xxx

I Love ...

... you!

Yes, you reading this. Stop looking around you to see who I might be talking about!

Surely you must've realised! Can't you tell from the way I look at you and how I'm always giggly and smiley when I'm around you?

There's only you that makes me do that!!







Have I scared anyone yet? hehehehehehe!

Aaaaaaaw, I love people, me. They're fab. Have met some really amazing ones in the past few months. OK, so I've met one or two halfwits as well - but the gorgeous, funny, warm, lovely, interesting ones far outweigh the two halfwits I've encountered!!

And I don't just mean the men! Calm down boys, that doesn't mean there's been some girl on girl action (although I'm also not saying I wouldn't!!) I'm just making sure you know I'm not being gender specific here!

Love you all!!!



Para xx

Nearly a Naughty Dream

Well, the other night I had this dream - which was very nearly a naughty one!

I dreamt I was going to a wedding and that I was in Debenhams on the actual day of the wedding looking for something to wear (sounds about right for me, leave things to the last minute!!)

And this gorgeous man came up to me, wearing a black top and on the elbow it said Debenhams Men. He offered to do my make up for the wedding. Why I didn't find it strange that a man who worked for the men's department at Debenhams would want to do my make-up, I'll never know!

Anyway, he took me into a little room and sat me on a chair which tilted back. It tilted back so that the top of my head was resting in his, erm, groin area! And then he started putting make up on my face, which was very calming and relaxing. But my head was pressed up against his big hard willy!

And that was it!

Had some odd dreams last night too. Had a fitful night's sleep. Woke up and was quite ill at about 2am (a result of too many cakes yesterday methinks!) But I did manage to dream about being in a room full of gay sailors discussing the merits, and otherwise, of pink slip on shoes! Then I dreamt I was going for a walk and saw one of my students riding a bike with stabilisers on it, and having a conversation about that with him!

Then I dreamt that MusicMan contacted me and said the reason he'd not been in touch with me all weekend was because he'd spent the weekend in the cells after verbally abusing a Policeman on Friday evening!

Para xxx

Scaring Crows!

And serving refreshments!

That's what I've done today! My chocolate cake was very well received!

This is the scarecrow I helped to make:

Overall, the display won the best neighbourhood scarecrows!

A tiring but enjoyable day!

Para xxx

Rice Pudding

Well, I think I've said that I'm not gonna write about MusicMan cos some things are too personal and private even to put on here!

But I have things floating round my head, and I need to get them down! OK, so I'm having an insecure day and am wondering what on earth a lovely man like him could possibly see in me!

But, I know what I see in him:

• He has never sent me a picture of his penis over the phone. Or by email. Why are men so obsessed with doing this?
• He has never asked me to send a rude pic of me to him by phone or email. OK, so I sent him a pic of my naked legs - but he never asked for it, and that's just a cheeky pic, not a rude one!
• He seems to be interested in me as an individual rather than just in having sex with me.
• He makes me feel really comfy when I'm with him. And he's very comfy to be entwined with!
• The contented smile he wears when he wakes up (I'm more used to a look of horror on the faces of men who wake up with me!!)
• There's no rush to do things. Makes me look forward to exploring more! And getting to know him more!
• He makes me laugh!
• He can cook. Very well.
• He made me a rice pudding. A homemade, proper rice pudding. With skin on top. And he made this after reading about my dream on here! He made my dream come true! I was so touched! I am hard pushed to think of a more sweet and romantic gesture that has been made to me!
• He's gonna read this!

See, writing all that down has made me feel better! Mind you, it's sod's law isn't it that I'll never here from him again now, having written such glowing things about him! Actually, that's another reason why I like him - he's far too decent to mess people around like that!

Para xxx

I Feel Like an Adventure!

Last weekend when I was driving southwards, I felt so free, I thought "I wanna move". Not necessarily down south, which is what my pal J automatically assumed when I mentioned this to her, but anywhere. (I think she was secretly thinking 'yaaaaaay, a babysitter!!')

I feel like a bit of an adventure. I feel like going somewhere where I can be me again, where no-one knows anything of my past life. You know, a bit like they do in Emmerdale and Corrie when crap happens to them - they just get in a taxi and go!

Now, I'm not going to be that spontaneous - that's a tad too drastic even for me! But I could go anywhere, couldn't I? New environment, new people, new work. Hmmm.

Someone said to me last week about us all having our own prisons. And maybe living here's mine. I love it here. I love my little house, I love the surroundings, I love people being friendly with me in the village, whilst not being intrusive. But I think too much has gone on whilst I've lived here - and it's probably best to move on elsewhere. I even want to get rid of all my furniture, which is a bit mad!

I have been thinking it's the situation with my job and soon-to-be-ex-hubby that's hemmed me in, and I guess they have - both situations have kind of 'defined' me in a way. Maybe this house is also part of my personal prison, despite loving it here.

I got to thinking about this again today as I received a letter about negotiations for a settlement from work. It's scary to think that chapter of my life will soon be over, yet there's also a sense of relief. And then there's anxiety about having to go back in to work to collect all my things. Wouldn't trust anyone to get them for me - and I'm sure half my resources have probably been nicked as it is! That's going to be an emotional few hours.

But where would I go? This needs further thought! Advice would be welcome!

Anyone need a lodger?!

Para xx

Traffic Cones

I'd forgotten about the strange thing that happens to me when I see lots of orange traffic cones.

Not driven any great distance until fairly recently, so I'd managed to forget all about it! But having driven to Wiltshire and to the North East in the past week - my strange urge has returned!

If I see a line of traffic cones - I want to drive into them! I have this really strong urge just to drive through them and mess them all up. What is that all about? Maybe it's because they just look too uniform and tidy and I want to create a bit of chaos. I think it would be fun! What would the other drivers on the road think? What would the workmen think?

I am so weird aren't I?

Para xx

PS - Did you know that the average lifespan for a traffic cone is three months? You see, when you've lived with someone who made traffic cones for a living, you get to know ridiculous things like that! Hmmmmm, maybe that's the reason I want to cause cone chaos?

I've Baked a Cake!!

I haven't done that for two years! Actually that's a lie. I remember making a very posh choccy cake when I had some friends round last year - a lot of effort for an OK cake!

The last time I did, I made a fruit cake for hubby's birthday - only he disappeared and so didn't eat it! I kept it in the cake tin for about six weeks, until his friend G persuaded me to throw it away! Strangely it hadn't gone mouldy.

But this is a lovely cake! Am not altogether sure how I'm gonna get it out of the cake box once I get to MusicMan, as it's a tight fit!

It looks less like this:

And more like this:

However, I'm sure it'll taste fab!

Para xxx

PS - If no-one hears from me or MusicMan for a while, it's cos we've developed food poisoning!

Blowing My Own Trumpet ... (No 2)

This one was written by an ex-student. He was actually the student that Jem accused me of having a relationship with. Reading it always makes me quite emotional.


"My name is XXXX XXXXXXX and last year I completed the (Advanced Level Qualification). I have now taken a year out of studying and am preparing a business plan for a proposed business venture.

I started college studying a (Intermediate Level Qualification) and Para was my (subject)lecturer. In my first year of study, during the (subject) lectures I did struggle a lot due to the transition from school to college. However, Para gave me relevant guidance to prioritise issues in my life in order for me to settle into a college routine.

During the (subject) lectures I felt Para treated me as an adult and with respect and care. In the actual assignments, they were well laid out and broken down in order for me to have the time to complete them without them affecting other assignments’ due dates.

Through the help and support of Para I achieved a Merit and it helped me to get onto the (Advanced Level Qualification) course. I was very happy that I had succeeded and this was because of Para's support.

During the start of (Advanced Level Qualification) two year course I did have a lot of personal issues with my family and social life which affected my concentration and effort towards my college work. I snapped back out of the routine I had during the (Intermediate Level Qualification). Para took time out to sit down with me and again counsel me which enabled me to understand what was going on in my life. Not many people I have met in the past have given time out to help me and Para was the first one. This meant a lot to me as I saw Para as a mother figure and someone I could always go to if I had any problems.

During Para's (subject) lessons over this course, I found them very enjoyable. As well as concentrating on doing the work Para also allowed us to have the odd occasional joke. Para was always smartly dressed for lessons and well-organised. To her we were her ‘kids’ and she had to support us and give us her utmost best education, which basically met the college’s aim in striving for excellence. Para never brought any personal problems to college and was always a cheerful person. However she did know quite a large amount of information on outside college issues and what was going on in the community which helped her to understand her students. Para provided us, as well as with education also issues that would help us face outside college.

I personally found (subject) very enjoyable and my grades reflected that as I got Distinctions. My own tutor was Head of the Division. When it came down to doing our UCAS applications, we had to do them with our tutor. However though because he had such a responsible job, it was hard to find him to help us with the application. However Para personally volunteered to help me and others. Para personally sat down beside me and guided me through the UCAS application, which I completed and managed to send before the deadline date. This is just another example of how Para helped us and supported me.

I do see Para quite often as she comes shopping at my workplace. Whenever I see Para she’s still the same old Para, enjoying her teaching and enjoying her social life. We can stand there for hours and reminisce the three years I had at college and it is good to just stand there and laugh about embarrassing moments and the successful moments. I have known Para for over three years and I can say that even though she was my teacher, she could be called one of my best friends. If I was to give a breakdown of Para I would say she’s respectful, well organised, excellent communication skills and she would be right for any job in the teaching industry."


Where's the Kleenex?

Para xxx

Music Festivals

I've never been to one. How did that happen, I wonder?

I've been to outdoor concerts. Three. All Simply Red. Oh, and a couple of classical ones. But I've never been to a music festival. I think it's probably because I've never been around people who want to go to them!

Well, all that's about to change. Hehehehehe!

There's a music festival near my home. I'd provide a link, but then it would identify where I live!! And then that weirdo Dave might come and demand to look at my boobs. Actually Dave, whoever you are, if you're a Tesser, just turn up at the next Leeds meet - usually some body parts being flashed there! Not always mine, admittedly!

So, anyway, back to the music festival. I've only heard of one of the groups. It's at a farm nearby - I've bought me ticket and applied to be a steward! I figure that I can't really go on my own (too shy for that), but if I'm working there it gives me a reason to be there.

My ticket came through yesterday. Am just awaiting confirmation that I'm a steward. If I'm not a steward - I'm stuffed! I'll have to go on me own! Aaaaargh! Plus I won't get my ticket cost back! Aaaaargh! Actually I've just realised that bit.

Oh well, what the hell - I'm sure it'll be fun!

Para xxx

A Wonderful Weekend ...

... with my friends darn sarf!

This consists of my pal J, her hubby B and their two adorable girls A and E!

A is such a beautiful little girl, and a very talented ballet dancer. A very determined character who will succeed at anything she sets her heart to. And she's fearless - love watching her zoom about on the playground! She is so beautiful, she will break hearts when she's older!

E is such a cutey. She's just a little button. She has such an expressive face! She's has the most untidiest bedroom in the world! But she asked me to share her room with her whilst I stayed over! And she says just the cutest things!

B - is a fantastic cook and has a marvellous sense of humour - and has a fantastic way with the girls!

And J - is just fab and an inspiration, and a wonderful mum and friend.

Thanks for a great weekend guys.

Love you all

Para xxx

Another Bonkers Dream!!

I had this at weekend.

I dreamt that I was at MusicMan's house and he made chicken pasta for tea.

Then he asked me if I'd like my rice pudding straight after that, as there was chocolate pudding for later. I replied that I'd have the rice pudding later, "I've not had that for years and I'm looking forward to it, and I'll have the choccy pudding for breakfast."

To which he replied, "Oh, you can't have it for breakfast because I'm making you bacon and eggs then."

The sheer inanity of it amuses me. What an utterly boring dream! Apart from the fact that the cuteness that is MusicMan was in it!

Para xxx

Blowing My Own Trumpet ... (No1)

... Well someone has to!

So, my wonderful life coach suggested that in order to boost my confidence I get people to write positive things about me. So I shall reproduce them here. The first one is from my friend C.

Para is …

• Enthusiastic and dedicated to students and always has good intentions towards their welfare.
• Open, honest, trustworthy and reliable.
• Very tolerant of others and endures stressful situations better than she thinks
• Charitable, friendly and outgoing.
• Adventurous and will have a go at anything
• Resolute in anything she sets her mind to
• Amenable and will sacrifice her own desires/plans to accommodate those of others.
• Fun-loving and has a good sense of humour.
• Acquiescent in many situations where others wouldn’t be, but willing to take calculated risks.
  
  Para …
• Goes above and beyond her normal duties for students’ welfare – even at the expense of her own.
• Has the ability to empathise with people from a range of cultural and diverse backgrounds.
• Can adapt to a range of needs, people and situations presented to her.
• Evaluates situations and considers alternatives before planning.
• Can laugh at herself.
• Accepts people for who they are.
• Endures a lot of shit proficiently.
• Knows how to make the best of her assets.
• Makes good chocolate cake.

It did help actually. I'd got into such a pickle with work constantly having a go at me, I felt completely worthless. So having people write nice things about me helped me to identify my strengths. And by doing that it has given me the confidence to tackle my weaknesses!

Para xxx

Nocturnal Nuttiness

More mad dreams from Para!

Last night I dreamt that I was one of the dancers from the presentation on The Apprentice the other night!

I also had a pet chimpanzee (name unknown, but it was female) who came everywhere with me and sat on me hip. She was ever so cuddly. But no, she wasn't with me when I was dancing.

Then I dreamt that the Principal at work was a short fat woman called Barbara - and that she was a cyclops. Worryingly, everytime I looked at her I went cross-eyed - meaning that it actually looked like she had two eyes! And I was very self conscious about the fact that I went cross-eyed when I looked at her! She wouldn't give me a lever arch folder because the college couldn't afford it. She also didn't approve of my chimpanzee.

Para xxx

Para's Preferred Poetry # 2

And today's are on the subject of money:

Hillaire Belloc's Fatigue always brings a wry smile to my face:

I'm tired of Love: I'm still more tired of Rhyme.

But Money gives me pleasure all the time.

And Richard Amour's Money poem, I can definitely relate to!

That money talks

I won't deny.

I heard it once.

It said, 'Goodbye.'

And now I really really must:

Hoover
Go for a swim
Do some work!

Para xx

Random Flower Thread

I'm bursting with thoughts inside my head today, so there may be some very mad ramblings!

But anyway, I've been doing me housework today and I was sorting out my flowers, when i suddenly started to think about them.

I'm not a big flower fan, I'm not very green-fingered: in fact my house is almost completely devoid of any plants, with the exception of a spider plant, which horticulture at work have assured me I can't kill. It's hanging on to life - just. Horticulture know of my inability to grow plants, and so often donate things to me! I've never really understood why!

However, I buy myself some flowers every week. I've been doing this for about 12 months now. I never spend much on them, just a couple of pounds, but it's like a little treat for me! I usually buy carnations, because they're pretty and there's lovely colours. In fact I think the whole flower buying started after I was given flowers by some of the students at work! They were just so cheerful and pretty that I decided I deserved some every week! I even had to go out and buy vases to put them in!


And I've never really been the type of person who has liked getting flowers particularly. Ohmigod! I've just thought - does this mean I'm growing up? Noooooooooooo!! I'll be liking grown up gold jewellery next instead of silly silver and costume stuff!



Oh dear, I must stop thinking!



Para xxx

My Little Adventure ...

... This is where I prove that I am daft rather than brave!

Well, the other night I met my mate Lurking for tea, in a town I'd never previously visited. Got there OK, but got completely lost on the way out! I ended up in a city - I only knew it was a city as I kept seeing signs for 'City Centre' - but there were no indications as to which city it might be, although logically I'd narrowed it down to two! And NG, you were minutes away from getting a frantic phone call for help, when I realised I wasn't in your city!!

I saw a sign for a village that I knew I'd driven through on the way to meeting Lurking; so I followed that and subsequent signs.

Then suddenly I realised where I was! I was on the road that would take me straight through the village where Biggles lived! How could I pass on an opportunity like this? I've drawn a line under the whole situation and accepted that I'll not get me money back - but I really just couldn't resist the thought of a confrontation with him!!

Really rather surprisingly, I managed to find where he lived. I parked up in the next street, stuck me hat on as a disguise (my hats are v recent additions to my wardrobe, and so if he were to see me, it wouldn't be obvious that it was me).

I skulked suspiciously round to his street - only to discover that his house is up for rent! How deflated did I feel? I'd mustered up all my confidence and bravery, I was ready for some verbal sparring and he doesn't even live there anymore! Aaaaaaargh!

To be honest, it was probably just as well he wasn't there - he can be a nasty piece of work reputedly, and I think my wellbeing is worth more than the £200 he's robbed from me!

Para xxx (who promises not to be so silly again!!)

Para's Preferred Poetry

I like having a bit of a read of poetry. Usually I like silly stuff - not into the thought provoking kind of poems. I really like Wendy Cope. Here's the Fireworks Poem:

Write it in fire across the night:

Some men are more or less alright.

And Going Too Far:

Cuddling the new telephone directory

After I found your name in it

Was going too far.

It's a safe bet you're not hugging a phone book,

Wherever you are.

I bet you can see why I can relate to them!

Para xx

Sexy Parapiercing

Thanks NG for that!!

Yaaaaay, today I had my belly button pierced!

Aaaaaaaargh - it now hurts!

Para xxx

I Don't Really Think I'm Normal ...

... Or am I? You tell me!

You know you read about people with bipolar disorders being either deep in the depths of despair, or being on a complete high? Well, I'm not like that - but I do have these major swings from peace and tranquility to being totally over-excited!

I'm loving the feeling of peace at the moment. I just feel "yeah, that's it". I feel calm and relaxed and at one with myself - which sounds so terribly cliched! But I do - I'm me, and I really rather like me! I feel really rather chilled and contented.

But then, I get really over-excited at the smallest things! Maybe it's something I've read, or a job I've applied for, or a compliment I've been given, or chatting to someone online - just really small things. It's strange!

That's not to say though that, for all I have a sense of peace and I have my over-exciteable moments, I don't have my down times. Last week I had two very down days. Very down. But I just pretend to people that I'm OK and I deal with it myself, go with the flow. Those are the days I really miss cuddles.

One day at a time - it's another cliche, but one I have to live by at the moment!

Para xxx

I admit to having been ...

... a tad emotional this morning.

It's all to do with the policeman who was knifed in the neck, PC Jon Henry.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/beds/bucks/herts/6743301.stm

He just looks like such a lovely man, and now his wife is a widow and his little girl will never even remember her daddy. And that just upsets me.

The death of police officers always gets me and I don't understand why. Maybe it's because I don't expect the job of a police officer to be such a dangerous one. Firemen enter blazing buildings, people in the military expect to be involved with violence and conflict. But a police officer? I don't expect them to be killed in the line of duty. They're there to catch burglars and murderers and rapists - not to be stabbed in the neck by some loony.

Perhaps it's because I can empathise with their vulnerability. What happened to PC Henry could happen to any teacher. I've taught some criminal and violent people and it just makes me realise how vulnerable we are.

Later today I'm meeting one such student. He's been up in court for violent acts. I can't remember what - I prefer not to think about what he's done, and prefer to think about him as a person, an individual. I feel a strong sense of responsibility towards him as I know other members of staff - and in particular his personal tutor - have been trying to get rid of him for the past two years. Purely on the basis of his personality, although I know that would be denied.

He has a natural aptitude for my subject specialism and, as such, we have formed a very good working relationship. he knows he can trust me. All I can hope for is that I can help make a difference to him, and perhaps that'll mean one less needless violent death in the future.

Para xxx

Men ...

... I have been accused of having a 'predatory' approach to blokes!

However, having just started dating in the past six months, I've been lucky enough to meet a number of different men. And it's really good, cos I now know what I prefer in a man!

That sounds odd, but when you've been with someone for such a long time (had been with hubby for 11 years, although only wed for two before he disappeared) it's a bit like trying a box of chocolates and seeing which ones you prefer!!

I should do some wonderful analogy of the blokes and chocolates - but I can't think of anything! Although I guess the ones I prefer are like caramels, sweet, tasty, take their time and leave a pleasant taste. Although your jaw might ache.

So I spose the others are nuts! A quick fix, nice at the time, but leaving bits that stick around annoyingly.

Anyway, that was a very poor attempt there Para.

But, I think I prefer the more gentle, softly, softly approach that I've experienced with two blokes. And I'm not talking sex here!! I'm talking attitude! There's more of a respect for me as an individual. And that's good. I like that. The ones who want to drag me into bed and talk about having babies and living together make me feel a tad suspicious of their motives! They might be exciting - but you're left with a deep sense of unease, instead of feeling smiley inside!

Yup, definitely feeling blonde today.

Para xx

Who on Earth ...

... told the birds it'd be OK to wake up at 3.30am and start singing?

Here's me with me sleep problems - and the blinkin birds just aren't helping at all.

I'm doing me relaxation stuff, counting back from 10 to 1, imagining a lovely place where I'd like to be - getting off to sleep fine. But then the little sods wake me up with their singing and it's more difficult to get back to sleep then grrrrrrrrr.

I was going to have a very organised week this week, was gonna get up at 7.30am every morning and do some work stuff, then have nice afternoons to do what I want. But this morning I woke up at 9am - so it's not got off to a good start thanks to them pesky birds.

Oh well, I can try again tomorrow.

Para xxx (Who's a tad grumpy this morning and in need of cuddles!!)

Para The Murderer

I don't know why - but I'd never really realised that spiders ate great big whopping flies.

I've been horrified to witness the demise of two flies I was trying to let out of the windows this week - and it make me quite upset! How totally irrational is that?! They were buzzing really madly, and there wasn't a thing I could do cos the spiders had got them!

Then as I was coming home the other day, there was a squirrel dithering in the road - and I squashed it. I tried not to. I closed my eyes. I swerved, but crunch - I got it.

I got it right in the spot where I killed the bird last week. Worryingly, I closed my eyes and swerved for that too. I really must sort out this closing of eyes and swerving business. Especially when it's at the spot where my next door neighbour was killed in his car.

So I'm responsible for the death of four living things this week.

I'm a bad girl. How can I redeem myself?

Para xx

Pyjamarama

I am so addicted to jim jams.


I have lots and lots of pairs. Some are just like tracky bottoms and a vest top, but others are like proper traditional jim jams, there's a shorty set and some cutey ones.

These are my faves:

But, I just can't stop buying new ones!!!! I'm doing well, I've not bought any this month!

I guess, if I can't wear a man to bed, I shall wear me jim jams!

Para xxx

The Snooze Monster ...

... keeps attacking me and I don't know why!

It's usually after breakfast! Why is breakfasting so exhausting?

It is annoying me now as I could be doing productive things and instead I just keep falling asleep. In fact, I'm gonna go for a snooze now before I fall asleep at the keyboard!

Para xx

Waking Up ...

... it's a good thing to do! Especially when you consider the alternative!

I enjoyed waking up this morning - which might seem a strange comment to make, but it made me remember that I haven't always felt like that!

Following my suspension from work and the realisation of what Jem had done to me I developed a number of strange psychological symptoms over which I had no control. I think I've already written about them, but they included panic attacks; being afraid of being around people I didn't know; a fear of alcohol and pubs and drunken people; not being able to drive anywhere other than Asda or me mum's! And the worst one of all was the images that appeared in my head as I woke up. They were so horrible that I can't write about them and the only person I've ever told what they were is my counsellor.

My symptoms have subsided now - I'm better at pubs, I've not had a panic attack for six months - and I can drive to places I don't know now!! And I'm enjoying meeting new people - OK, maybe I've gone a bit overboard on that one, but am making up for lost time!

And I've not had the horrible images when i wake up for a long time - and I've only just realised!

That's because I had a lovely image in my head when I woke up this morning! It was an image of a smiley faced, curly haired person asleep on me! Which was very very pleasant, I have to say!

Para xxx

Para's Perfect Paperback Prize ...

... goes to:

Anthony McGowan! For his marvellously witty and touching book "Henry Tumour" - the story of a teenager with a talking brain tumour!

http://www.randomhouse.co.uk/catalog/extractcb.htm?command=search&db=main.txt&eqisbndata=0385608616

Go out and buy it now!!!! Compulsive reading. Am looking forward to visiting a book shop soon to buy Hellbent!

And he deserves to win a prize for taking the time out to chat with Lilysmum and myself on the TES website! I'm not sure that there's many authors would do that.

Just thought you might like to win somet from Lancashire Tony!! And your prize is that wonderful Lancashire delicacy: http://www.agalinks.com/ImagesHide/Lancashire_Hotpot.jpg

Para xx

Smiley People

Well, I guess there's at least two of us in the world today!

And that's all I'm saying cos some things are too good to share!!

OK, I can't not say anything me, can I? So what I will say is that it's nice to know there are some decent men in the world. It's good to know that not all men with that name are weirdos.

And I think this could be fun!

Para xxx (who's looking forward to a cookery lesson!!)

Dear Mr Hypnosis ...

... You so know that you're not gonna be able to resist having another look at this!!

Welcome to Para's mad world. Being honest and open about things is helping me to become more self aware and is very therapeutic. And I figure that if anyone can read this blog and still want to be a part of my mad life, then there's somet special about that person (I'm not being soppy here and speaking about you specifically! Am talking generally! Just wanted to get that clear!!)

Sooooooo, I just want to publicly say: THANK YOU, for:

• Enabling me to get back off to sleep quicker when I woke up in the middle of the night.
• Reading my blog and being such a good sport about things! (You know what things I mean there!)
• Agreeing to help KT.
• Saying you'll help me with my sleep problem. (Am not letting you forget that matey!)
• Having such an amazing voice!
• Being such good fun!
• My gift - but you do realise who I think about when I use it? lol!

I do hope we can become great friends, because you're just the type of person I'd like in my life - even if only in a small way. Now I am on the verge of being soppy there, so I'll quit whilst I'm ahead!!

Para xxx

PS - There was one thing I didn't mention in the post about you regarding your visit to my home, which maybe I should have! lol! That'll get you wondering!

PPS - Do I get one of your fab hugs now? Aaaaaaaaaaw, go on, you know you wanna!

A Finger of Fudge is Just Enough ...

... I am currently addicted to Cadbury's Fudges. I have two for breakfast each day

When I was a little girl, I remember at my Grandad's shop that Mr Sunblest - the bread delivery man - would always buy me a Fudge. They were five pence in them days. And when we used to go and visit my Nan at the canteen where she worked, she always gave me a Fudge!

A Cadbury's Fudge was the reason why NotGeoffrey's one and only post to be removed from TES was, in fact, removed. I was confessing my love for them - and NG was being rude!!

One, sure-fire way of getting into my good books is to present me with a Fudge, or two!

I also found this, which amused me:

http://smylexxious.blogspot.com/2007/02/fudge.html

Para xx (awaiting box loads of Fudges from all her lovely friends and admirers!)

The Gym

I'm writing this because I've just come back from there and K and J were looking at my blog. So I thought they deserved a mention!

I think that they like me being a member there for entertainment purposes. My mad love life is a great source of amusement to them!

They've been taking trying to scare me today because of that poor woman who's been murdered after going on a date. I'm sure they only did it because they care soooooo much about me!!

Thanks lads.

Para xx

The Trouble With Writing This Blog is ...

... it has the potential to upset people.

Now, I'm not too bothered about people not actually liking what I've written because they're generally offended, or try to be moralistic. They can stuff off; if they don't like it, they don't have to read it. I'm concerned about specific people.

I'm not too concerned about Biggles or Mr Lorry Driver - particularly Biggles, cos let's face it, he deserves a thorough slagging off!

But I'm not sure if Mr Hypnosis has read it, or indeed if he even knows of its existence. But I really wouldn't want him to be offended by anything I wrote about him - I don't think I was unkind, was I?

And then a certain person might read a certain post and think that I might be thinking that about him. When that certain person is actually helping me overcome my insecurity thanks to his consideration.

Anyway that's enough wittering for today!! I just needed to get that off me chest!

Para xxx

This is MY Blog ...

... and I can do what I want!!!

So am putting this in cos I like it!!!

Para xxx

Bra Sandwich

This is all about my mad dreams!

Bra Sandwich has to be the maddest of them all so far!

I dreamt that I had a loaf of Warburton's Toastie (you know, the one in the orange and white packet) and four white bras.

Bra number one was a pretty, white, padded La Senza number - one I usually wear with a tit top cos it gives me a good cleavage! Bra number two was a lovely white, lacey M&S bra - one of my current faves; Bra number three was a new one of mine, again white, quite a pretty one; bra number four - I really can't remember!

So, I take a slice of bread and butter it. Now in me dream it was normal sized bread, but if you think about lying bras on a piece of bread - it'd need to be huge!!! Maybe not if your bra size is 28AA, but a 34F demands a larger slice of bread!

I buttered the bread, then lay all the four bras on in the order I've described them above. Then I thought: "four? That's greedy" and so I took number four off - which is possibly why I can't remember it!

I then put the other piece of bread on the top and cut the bread, so that the bras were cut down the centre bit. I then ate the sandwich.

Now, I know what you're all wondering: "What did it taste of?"

And all I can say is that it tasted like, erm, a bra sandwich!

But this does demonstrate the peculiarity of my dreams at the moment. Because I rarely sleep straight through the night, I also tend to have lots of silly little ones!

However, this is not a complaint - I love my dreams!

Para xx

Mooncups

A warning for men: I'm gonna talk about periods here!! You have been warned!!

OK, so I don't use normal sanitary products: no tampons or towels for me.

I use a Mooncup. It's revolutionised my periods!!




What is a Mooncup?

Well, it's kind of a rubber little cup with a stem that you put inside you and it collects the blood (the men who have been brave enough to read this far, have now collectively pulled a disgusted face!!)

You then dispose of the blood down the toilet, rinse the Mooncup, stick it back up you.

Why use a Mooncup?

Well, it's environmentally friendly - there's nothing to throw away. It's cheaper - they cost about £20, and you only need one. Compared with spending £50+ each year on conventional sanitary products, it's quite cost effective.

To ensure it's clean, what I tend to do is put it in a jug of sterilising fluid whilst I have a shower in the morning. Then at the end of my period, again I sterilise it and put it in its little bag!

Another benefit of a Mooncup is that you can wear it at night without having to worry about Toxic Shock Syndrome if you use tampons, or leaks and the whole discomfort factor if you wear towels. And let's face it, if you're in bed with a bloke, towels aren't exactly the most attractive thing to be wearing! And you don't have a little string dangling between your legs either!

If I wear tampons, I'm concerned that they'll leak. And with the limited opportunities you have in my job to go to the loo, this is a major concern! With a Mooncup I've only had a couple of minor leaks.

Tampons need changing regularly. A Mooncup can last you through the working day.

Towels feel uncomfy and then you can feel yourself bleeding, and then there's the smell worry. You don't have this problem with a Mooncup.

And both towels and tampons are impregnanted with a variety of chemicals, which I'd much rather not have in contact with me lady-bits thank you very much!

If you're interested in learning more about Mooncups, visit:

http://www.mooncup.co.uk/wc.php?u=1465

Para xxx

Jem

The former friend and colleague.

Me and Jem hit it off immediately when I joined work - probably because we were fairly similar in age. She's three years younger than me, but looks older on account of the smoking and drinking!

We became very close friends. We went on holiday together, we socialised together, the kids all said we were sisters (not that we look anything like sisters!) But it gives you an indication of how close we were.

When hubby went missing, I was actually on holiday with Jem. During the time he was missing I didn't spend as much time with her because I, quite obviously, had other things on my mind.

I spent Christmas Day with her, and there was absolutely no indication then of the evil that she was to inflict upon me.

Returning to work after the Christmas break, I found myself in the Principal's office being suspended for having a relationship with a student.

When I discussed this with my line manager after the meeting I told him it would be Jem - and I also named the student she would have accused me of having a relationship with. It was a young man who she didn't get on with at all, and who I had a very good rapport with. I was also counselling him over a personal and confidential matter - and our team, and relevant management knew about this.

I went to the pub, knowing Jem would be there. Her timetable is always arranged so that she can spend Friday afternoons in the pub. I confronted her and she denied having made a complaint about me but told me that she'd told senior management that I was having a relationship with a student. And she also said she'd told them about my friendship with Toyboy as she didn't want "students thinking it's me who's sleeping with a dirty Paki".

I can't describe how I felt, because I don't have the words. All I know is I was worried enough about how I felt to visit the emergency doctor. Because I couldn't say with certainty that I wouldn't kill myself, he wanted me admitted to the psychiatric ward. However, I'd seen enough of there thanks to hubby! He gave me some tablets that basically just knocked me out and I was zombified for a few days.

When I came round from that state, I just wished he'd insisted on admitting me! I couldn't deal with people, I couldn't drive, I was panicky, it was a nightmare. I wanted someone to look after me and make all my decisions for me - even down to what I should wear, it was a major trauma deciding that each day.

Eventually I was asked to write a statement regarding inappropriate comments in class, use of mobile phone with students and having students at my home. Strangely, nothing about my alleged relationship with a student.

So I wrote that occasionally I received inappropriate comments from the males in the class which I usually deflected with a humorous put down. I have a student mobile which is usually used on trips, by various members of staff. And I'd never had any students at my home.

An investigation followed, and no wrong doing was found on my part. But still, this has badly affected me. It's an issue of trust. I can't believe that someone I was that close to could actually (a) believe that I was having a relationship with a student and (b) tell senior management without even confronting me about it first!

What I found quite amazing is that I dealt with the disappearing husband thing quite well - but a friend disrespecting me in such a way, I still find it difficult to come to terms with.

I lost confidence - both in and out of class. I had panic attacks in crowded places. I couldn't deal with pubs or alcohol - as I associated them with Jem. I can only assume that her alcohol-addled brain influenced her decision to make up such evil stories about me. I found it difficult to drive due to my lack of concentration.

I still have days when I can't deal with crowds of people, but I am getting better with pubs! And alcohol! But I am very wary about who I drink alcohol with. The only blip I've had so far is Mr Lorry Driver. I really do have to trust the people I'm with - and I prefer not to drink in a pub. I prefer not to be around drunken people.

But I'm getting better each day - and I've got some marvellous people around me who help, so thanks to all my friends, old and new, for helping me.


Para xx