Jem

The former friend and colleague.

Me and Jem hit it off immediately when I joined work - probably because we were fairly similar in age. She's three years younger than me, but looks older on account of the smoking and drinking!

We became very close friends. We went on holiday together, we socialised together, the kids all said we were sisters (not that we look anything like sisters!) But it gives you an indication of how close we were.

When hubby went missing, I was actually on holiday with Jem. During the time he was missing I didn't spend as much time with her because I, quite obviously, had other things on my mind.

I spent Christmas Day with her, and there was absolutely no indication then of the evil that she was to inflict upon me.

Returning to work after the Christmas break, I found myself in the Principal's office being suspended for having a relationship with a student.

When I discussed this with my line manager after the meeting I told him it would be Jem - and I also named the student she would have accused me of having a relationship with. It was a young man who she didn't get on with at all, and who I had a very good rapport with. I was also counselling him over a personal and confidential matter - and our team, and relevant management knew about this.

I went to the pub, knowing Jem would be there. Her timetable is always arranged so that she can spend Friday afternoons in the pub. I confronted her and she denied having made a complaint about me but told me that she'd told senior management that I was having a relationship with a student. And she also said she'd told them about my friendship with Toyboy as she didn't want "students thinking it's me who's sleeping with a dirty Paki".

I can't describe how I felt, because I don't have the words. All I know is I was worried enough about how I felt to visit the emergency doctor. Because I couldn't say with certainty that I wouldn't kill myself, he wanted me admitted to the psychiatric ward. However, I'd seen enough of there thanks to hubby! He gave me some tablets that basically just knocked me out and I was zombified for a few days.

When I came round from that state, I just wished he'd insisted on admitting me! I couldn't deal with people, I couldn't drive, I was panicky, it was a nightmare. I wanted someone to look after me and make all my decisions for me - even down to what I should wear, it was a major trauma deciding that each day.

Eventually I was asked to write a statement regarding inappropriate comments in class, use of mobile phone with students and having students at my home. Strangely, nothing about my alleged relationship with a student.

So I wrote that occasionally I received inappropriate comments from the males in the class which I usually deflected with a humorous put down. I have a student mobile which is usually used on trips, by various members of staff. And I'd never had any students at my home.

An investigation followed, and no wrong doing was found on my part. But still, this has badly affected me. It's an issue of trust. I can't believe that someone I was that close to could actually (a) believe that I was having a relationship with a student and (b) tell senior management without even confronting me about it first!

What I found quite amazing is that I dealt with the disappearing husband thing quite well - but a friend disrespecting me in such a way, I still find it difficult to come to terms with.

I lost confidence - both in and out of class. I had panic attacks in crowded places. I couldn't deal with pubs or alcohol - as I associated them with Jem. I can only assume that her alcohol-addled brain influenced her decision to make up such evil stories about me. I found it difficult to drive due to my lack of concentration.

I still have days when I can't deal with crowds of people, but I am getting better with pubs! And alcohol! But I am very wary about who I drink alcohol with. The only blip I've had so far is Mr Lorry Driver. I really do have to trust the people I'm with - and I prefer not to drink in a pub. I prefer not to be around drunken people.

But I'm getting better each day - and I've got some marvellous people around me who help, so thanks to all my friends, old and new, for helping me.


Para xx