A Music Festival Virgin ...

... that was me; until weekend.

Well I guess actually, I still am, having had nothing more than the equivalent of a quick fumble!

I got my ticket to the nearby music festival, and I went along to the steward training on Friday. I reckoned that as I'd never been to such a festival before, and no-one would come with me, that I might as well do somet useful whilst there so i didn't look like Billy Nomates!!

So, by Friday lunchtime I was a fully trained and very muddy steward. When I say fully trained, I mean that I knew I'd to look out for piles of rubbish, tents camped too close together and any drug dealing activity. Oh, and I had a sheet that told me which fire hydrant to use in case of a fire.

I served my traineeship with the great unwashed, facial pierced and dreadlocked and khaki-clothes wearing fellow ticket holders. Me? Yup, I was in a bright red waterproof, blue walking trousers and a pair of pink wellies! How out of place did I feel?!

Anyway, I managed to get what I thought was the crappiest shift - shift 12: 6am-12 noon on Monday. When the festival was over and done with and everyone was leaving!

So, I braved the event on my own on Sunday afternoon - and again I felt so out of place that I couldn't wait to leave! So I actually had a ticket for a music festival and never actually heard any music. Well, there was some strange noise coming from a clump of trees - but I'm not convinced it was music!

So, Monday morning, bright and early, I report to the site office caravan. I dunno who was more shocked - me to be up at such a godforsaken time, or Nick (one of the organisers) cos someone had actually turned up at such a godforsaken time!

So, armed with my high viz jacket and a walkie talkie (ooooh the power!) I set off for a walk round the camp site! Squelching through the mud and probably waking all those campers who were asleep - mind you there were still some parties going on, so I wouldn't have been that disturbing a sound!

Then, approaching the festival site, I was kidnapped! By the security men! I have to say - I was hardly an unwilling victim! Plus it started pissing it down - and sitting chatting with four young men under a pink tent was a preferable option to trudging around outside!

We had a good giggle and a natter and played silly games. And I also had the misfortune to encounter one of them big ear piercings - you know the type where you can see through the ear. Yuk, it was disgusting! He took the ring out so I could see through his ear - and eeeeeuuuuw, the stench was awful! They were all so lovely I wanted to adopt them all! Especially the young Scottish one - until he said he only cooked Vegan food!! No good in my house, matey!

I was then instructed to go and stand at the entrance and deter cars from entering the field; stop people from turning left onto the main road and generally be nice and cheery to all the departing festival goers!

As I was stood under me big red umbrella, waiting for people to go, there appeared a young man who wanted shelter from the now torrential rain, and directions to the nearest bus-stop. Turns out he was a student from work! Eeeek!

Then, as we were stood chatting, three guys turn up to move a car that's been abandoned near the entrance. It won't start. I've now got three grown men in despair, in totally inappropriate clothing for the mud (OK, so one of them DOES have wellies on!!) who haven't a clue what to do. So I just get into teacher mode! Instruct them to ring a breakdown service; manage to lift the bonnet up cos one of them just cannot do it; give instructions to the AA as to where to find them.

So they sit in the car awaiting the AA out of the torrential rain. "They were fantastic last night them," says the student. "Oh aye?" asks me "who are they then?" Apparently they were one of the acts - the Dub Pistols. It meant nothing to me! But I'm sure it'll mean something to someone somewhere! All I know is that they were three blokes who needed little old me to sort them out cos they were having a major panic! The AA sorted out the problem. I sent the blokes on their way with a stern lecture about wearing appropriate clothing next year and made them give the student a lift to the village to get the bus!!

I had such a fab time (despite being slightly scared of the irate farmer whose land the festival was on) that I did extra time and was asked to get involved with organising the stewarding next year. Fab! Loved it!

Happy, smiley, muddy Para!

Para xxx