My Lost Babies ...

... I had my dating scan and there were three. But they were too tiny to see properly, so I never even got a picture of the scan.

One was bigger than the others, but there was a problem with that one.

The radiographer said they were either too small to see or I'd had a missed miscarriage. A missed miscarriage is where there's no evidence of there having been a miscarriage.

Well, they were completely wrong on that score!

As two days later I had a miscarriage and lost my babies. Two came away in my hand. The other one, they say will have been reabsorbed back into my body. All I can do is hope against all hope that they got it wrong again as they didn't do a scan or a pregnancy test to check that I wasn't pregnant.

The pain was horrendous. Like my body was being ripped in two, which I guess it was. And my heart was certainly ripped to shreds.

And although I have to keep thinking that it was for the best, there's another part of me that just wants to be with my babies as waking up every day is too difficult and too painful.

xxx